downsizing - and how am I going

Note: beware this is a long post. Decided to document this important milestone I my life.

I enjoyed my job and I loved the company I was working for. Sure … there were problems. But then which large organisation is perfect? My decision to “retire” was based purely on personal reasons. I had been very involved with work for a number of years to the extent that it totally dominated my life. Not that I minded. I enjoyed the work and I also initially enjoyed the travel associated with the job. However I found it very hard to balance this life with my personal life. In fact it seemed to me that there was less and less room for myself, family and friends. Constant travel and work pressures sort of reduced my out of work social life to zilch. At first I hardly noticed because the job itself gave me a lot of people contact. But then slowly I began to see less and less of family and also hardly ever went out with friends or entertained.

During the last few years, my job was totally flexible. At first this was great. I was able to choose the hours I wanted to work, keeping in mind that I did have certain timeslots that I had to be available for people in other time zones. But this could be done by working from home. I could take time off in the middle of the day to attend to things like shopping and appointments, meeting up with friends who were not working and catching up with Mum. But gradually there came a blurring of work and personal time. I seemed to be always at work and despite scheduling appointments with myself to take time off, there was never in the day and often even on the weekends where I had that feeling, I’ve knocked off for the day. Taking a few hours off in the middle of the day doesn’t quite let you unwind the same as finishing work at a certain time knowing that you were now in your own time. Nobody was driving me into this behaviour. It was purely my own doing. Granted being part of a global team, working for a global company there were certain expectations however, I could have designed things better.

Travelling overseas is very stressful. There is the preparation. You need to think about what to take, and to carefully pack your bags, book tickets and accommodation. Too far to rush back for anything you may have left behind. For some destinations you also need to arrange visas, immunisations, health checks etc. Then there is the actual travel. Living in Australia this usually means 13 hours gone. An hour to get to the airport. Two hours prior to flying you’re to check in. And at least 8 hours to get to the closest country in Asia. Then another hour gone to checkout and usually an hour gone to get to and check in at the hotel. Because I wanted to get the most out of the trip I would fly on the weekend and then spend the week (or often 2 weeks) in the office at the destination. Often there were short trips at the other end. To get from one location to another. Constant packing / unpacking / checking in and checking out of hotels. Then the return trip would take the same 13 hours. If I was lucky I would fly during the day on Friday but quite often it meant during the night and arriving on Saturday morning. Then the unpacking and putting everything away. The Saturday would be recovery time, and finally a heap of paperwork to claim for all the expenses incurred. This meant that 2 weekends were wrecked and if you had two trips a month, it meant practically no weekend where you were not either starting to pack or flying or unpacking.

I missed the warning signs that I was close to burnout. Health problems started to accumulate. Immune system started to pack up. On top of this there were other stresses in our life. My father was very ill and we had decided to move closer to my parents so that we could spend a bit more time with them and also help them out. Selling and buying a house, shifting, renovating are all very stressful activities. So late last year an opportunity came up for voluntary redundancy. Despite the stress in my life, initially this was the last thing on my mind. I had a fairly secure job and my husband and I had decided that we would both continue working for a few more years. But once I started thinking about the redundancy opportunity I could not put it out of my mind. I already had an appointment to discuss it with one of our local managers. And then several amazing things happened which absolutely helped to make up my mind. The first was a talk given by a friend at our local church. During this talk I suddenly became aware of how little I had grown spiritually the last few years. Along with family and friends, my church involvement and personal study and prayer time had been put on the backburner. My spirituality is a very important part of my life and I hadn’t even noticed how gradually things had come to a halt. There was always the thought, when the next project was completed, I would have more time to do this and to do that. But projects never seem to complete neatly and give you a break. Usually the next project is already in progress before the first one finishes. I went ahead with the interview to find out more about this and then had to head overseas for a couple of weeks. At the end of which time I had to make a decision.

When I arrived in Asia my husband rang me and told me to purchase a book which talked about the lives of people who had made a change in their lives. Changed careers or changed lifestyles. After years, followed their dreams. It was very realistically written and talked about the good and the bad experiences. One section that really jumped out at me was a comment made by the author: “it is seldom in life that you stand at a crossroad. And when the opportunity comes, you should consider very seriously which direction to take”. I knew I was suddenly given this wonderful gift to stand at this cross road in life and to decide which path to take. I chose to “retire” from work and give myself at least a year to rediscover what I was actually like when my career no longer defined me, to refocus on the things that I always held very dear, to catch my breath and allow my body to heal itself and to spend time with people who are dear to me, especially my parents who were of course not getting any younger. I thought very hard about this and figured that if I waited another 5- 10 years until normal retirement, they may not be with us and I would forever regret not having taken this opportunity.

I have now had 4 months out of the workforce. They have probably been some of the most stressful of our lives. Looking back the events stack up like a horror story:

April      27^th      Dad taken back to hospital by ambulance

            29^th       Mum broke her foot

May      1^ST        Officially retired. First day off work

            6^th-8^th     Attend sister’s wedding in Brisbane (what a wonderful way to spend my first weekend)

            13^th-16^th Spent weekend in Sydney. Visited Dennis’ sister who had cancer.

            23^rd       House renovations start in earnest with Kitchen. After that, bathroom, lounge room,

                        new floor coverings every room, painting 3 rooms, roof renovation, rebuilt patio roof

            29^th       Hurrah…we have found a buyer for our old house. Settlement in 2 months time.

            31^st       Sadly had to celebrate Dad’s 75^th birthday in hospital. But it was a good day for him and

                        he enjoyed the fuss.

June     5^th         Young son Peter is admitted to a Psychiatric hospital. He became psychotic when

                        he stopped taking his medication. Spent 3 weeks in hospital.

            16^th       I am admitted to Hospital with Pneumonia. Came on very suddenly. I spent 5 days there

            19^th       Whilst I am still in hospital Dennis’ sister Pat died.

            28^th       Dennis flies to Sydney to attend Pat’s funeral. I am still not strong enough to travel.

July      8^th         Had 3 tradesmen booked to come and complete their part of the renovations but

                        Dad died so had to cancel. Dad died almost on the day that our house was ready

                        for him to come home to.

            11^th       Dennis spends his last day at his contract. Luckily he has another job lined up.

            12^th       We buried Dad. Everyone came over to our house after the funeral.

            18^th       Dennis starts his new job. A relief that we have one income!

            29^th       Settlement of our old house. Finally we are free of it and the mortgage!

Thanks to the generosity of my managers at work I was able to spend a fair amount of time with Dad this year, even before I left work. He was very ill right from the beginning of the year and there were many times we thought he wasn’t going to pull through. It is sad that he died so soon after my leaving work but I feel like at least I was able to be there for him when he was so sick in hospital. Of course not quite how I had imagined it.

The first 3 months of my retirement went like a blur. I didn’t really notice that I had left work. So it has really only been just over one month that I could classify as being truly retired. Some of the things I wanted to accomplish I am already doing. I am spending time with Mum. I have spent a lot of time writing Dad’s “stories” by translating his emails. This has been a great blessing to me. To find so many email messages Dad has written over the last few years where he shares his thoughts and feelings. I am slowly getting my house in order. So much still to unpack. We are also slowly getting Mum’s house in order. And bit by bit I am doing the things I had planned. My health is still a worry. My fitness is a big worry and something I need to start taking more serious. So is my spiritual life. I am slowly getting more active in our church. I want to spend more time reading. I want to start a garden. Spend time with my grandchildren. And my children. Help Peter publish his stories. Investigate writing. Get us all on a good diet. Get back to my genealogy. And I have a very long list of people who I would like to invite over to our house. Friends and family members who we have neglected over the years.

This is a great opportunity for us to see how difficult it is to downsize financially. We made a decision not to replace my company car but to make do with one car. So far we have managed to do this without too much sacrifice. Or maybe I can talk…Dennis is the one who is catching the buses each day! I am beginning to study our bills to see where we can make savings. There is so much you can buy cheaper or do without when you don’t have to go to work.

And next year I want to go to Germany with Mum. Spend some time there without the stress of having to get back to work hanging over me. I have had a long-time dream to visit Germany with Mum so that she can point out to me things about the city and people that I have long forgotten.

Have I regretted giving up work? Definitely not. I think I left just in time, in fact on retrospect should have left at the end of last year. Do I miss my work? Amazingly no, not so far. It feels “so right” to be at home and doing what I am doing. I feel like I am still just starting out on a big adventure. The possibilities are endless. I am so grateful for the generosity of my husband who encouraged me all along to pursue this path. He has been a great support to me and his encouragement takes care of any doubts that may assail me as to how we will cope financially!

I thought it was important for me to document this milestone in our lives. I plan to track my progress. Will start doing some real planning from now on so that I set realistic goals with what I can and can’t achieve!