the links in a chain.

(Note/warning: this turned out to be another very long post!)

It is interesting sometimes to look back at life and study a “chain” of events. Often the links in the chain only become visible many years later. Here is a chain (and there are many chains in our lives) that I just put together. In constructing it I looked at events that were directly influenced by the preceding event and where the preceding event had a direct bearing on the event, in that without that event, the next one would probably not have happened. Of course there were a lot more links inbetween but if I mention them all…this would go on forever!

z      2005        I take a backup of Dad’s hard disk and obtain a treasure chest of email messages to translate.

z      1999        Harald and Dad agree to start communicating via email

z      1999        Dad reads an email message that I happen to send to him about another T… sending me an email and writes to Harald

                        he is drawn to Harald because he likes his “language” and style of writing. And Harald happens to live in Duesseldorf

                        which is not far from where we come from.

z      1999        I received an email from Harald introducing himself to me

z      1999        Reiner S does some research to work out a group of T…’s were related. Found the link between Harald and us

                        5 generations previous.

z      1999        I was able to give Reiner S a lot of genealogical documents from the Salt Lake library all about the T…family

                        which was his area of interest

z      1999        I received an email from Jacob T asking if we were related. This started the correspondence with the T…researchers

                        and Reiner S who was then in Djakarta. Jacob found out on the internet that I was interested in the T… family.

z      1999        I spent 2 weeks in Salt Lake city and did a lot of genealogical research. Started with the R… family but came to a dead end

                        so moved to the T.. family and found a lot of records. This name sort of came to me. I could have chosen any number

                        of other names in our family tree.

z      1998        I bought a genealogical program which gave you a free website where you could store your research information.

                        That’s how Jacob found me.

z      1996        Genealogical research made me realise how difficult it is to find information on our ancestors. Thinking about my ancestors

                        made me want to go to Germany and re-establish contact with my “living” relatives. I visited Germany for the first time

                        in 34 years and not only had a great time meeting our relatives, but also was given a lot of photos which I copied and

                        brought back with me and a lot of information about our ancestors. Including a photo of Anna Katherina T….which

                        immediately appealed to me. I was keen to learn more about her already then.

z      1995        After joining the Church of Jesus Christ (LDS/ Mormon) I became very enthusiastic about family history research.

                        I had many spiritual experiences that made me aware of how important families are and became very eager to

                        find out more about my ancestors. First I started with Dennis’ family because the records were all available in

                        Australia.

z      1995        January we joined the Mormon church (long story which requires its own blog entry).

                         What attracted me most was their understanding of God’s plan of salvation.

                        This is that we all have an equal chance of salvation. We are judged by a very just God not because of an arbitrary

                        decision or circumstance that places us into a certain religion, but each person is judged by how well they live

                        their life according to their own beliefs. So if you are a Buddhist, you are expected to be a good Buddhist and will

                        be judged accordingly. If the circumstances of life do not make it possible for you to become a Christian, then

                        this is not held against you. To me this really makes sense given the image of a loving God. Each and every child

                        of His has an equal chance. Anything we don’t know on this earth, we learn in the spirit world to which we all go

                        after death. We believe that Jesus truly won eternal life for EVERYONE by his death and resurrection. Not just

                        for Christians. We still pay for our sins. And sins are something that is dictated by our conscience. We all have a

                        conscience and when we die we will regret all the things we did wrong. But not the things we didn’t know we did wrong.

                        I finally had an answer for the question that plagued me since 1982.

z      1994        We made a decision to leave the church we were attending. We had a strong testimony of Jesus and we felt

                        that the pastors of our church were no longer preaching things according to our understanding of the scriptures.

                        We decided that we would search for a church that was right for us. Dennis first tried returning to the catholic church

                        however he didn’t feel comfortable there. We went on holidays with one of the goals being to pray for what we

                        should do. We told Peter about it and he asked the missionaries of his church (Mormon) and his home teacher

                        to pray for us. When we came back from holidays I started taking lessons with the Mormon Missionaries

                        to find out what this church was all about. Peter had been in the church for just over a year and we had met

                        a few of the members and were impressed by the people. So I was keen to find out what it was that they believed.

z      1993        Peter joined the Mormon Church. We attended his baptism and met the Bishop and other members. We were

                        pleasantly surprised at how “normal”  they all seemed. Not sure what we had expected! Peter had been seeing

                        the missionaries for a while now. I actually encouraged him to join the church. He loved the scriptures he was

                        reading and enjoyed the lessons.

z      1993        The pastor’s wife of the church we were attending preached a sermon and said that the crucifixion was a mistake.

                        That’s the straw that broke the camels back. I no longer felt right about attending the church. Dennis was also

                        feeling very uncomfortable.

z      1993        Peter was living with the pastor of a Pentecostal church for a while. One day when he was on his own the Mormon

                        missionaries called and he asked them to come in so he could find out what they believed.

z      1993        Peter was with a group of Christians when the Mormon missionaries were heading towards the door. Everyone made

                        fun of them or had negative comments. This made Peter curious as to what was so wrong with these missionaries and made

                        him want to find out more about the church. Now I could build another chain that led to this event. However I am concentrating

                        on major links in my own life.

z      1988        January we decided to leave the catholic church. We had been uneasy for a while with various doctrines and felt that the

                        church lacked the manifestation of the Holy Spirit.

                        We both felt that we needed to continue meeting with the Christians I had stayed with

                        during the camp. We were both baptised in the ocean. This was a great experience. As adults we decided that we

                        wanted to be baptised, to follow Jesus. A conscious decision on our part, as opposed to the one made by our parents when we

                        were infants. We felt it had more to do with our testimony of Jesus than aligning ourselves with a church.

z      1987        I attended a Christian camp that Helga had been regularly attending each Christmas. I took Peter. During the camp

                        I experienced a miraculous healing and was “baptised in the spirit” or also called by some “born again”. I add this link

                        because I feel it is relevant in that if I had not attended this camp, we may not have left the catholic church and

                        then in the end may not have joined the Mormon church.

z      1987        Our son Peter had a violent outbreak. We came home from Christmas shopping and later that night I found out that

                        he had trashed his entire room. And I mean really trashed it. Furniture and all. All over a hair cut I asked him to have.

                        In fact I insisted he get his hair tidied in time for Christmas….or there would be no Christmas! He finally went to the hair

                        dresser and asked for a trim but watched in horror as she cut his very long thick hair completely short. He felt that

                        he would not be able to face his friends that year during the holidays and faced with the idea of hiding in his room

                        for 6 weeks he had a nervous breakdown. I include this as a link because it is this experience, seeing the violence

                        he did to his room, that put me in total shock for several hours. I sat on the couch and all I could do was pray.

                        Dennis had already gone to bed (oblivious of the entire event). Peter at one stage sat next to me and said:

                        “you are overreacting, Mum”. He must have been shocked by my total silence. I prayed for help and asked God

                        what could I do to get to know my son. And I had a very clear thought which was like a voice in my head:

                        “take Peter to Helga’s camp”.  Now here is another entire chain….how did Helga end up attending these camps?

                        She had often invited me but I had totally shrugged it off saying that I was a catholic and that’s how it would stay.

                        (This was the only time that Peter was every violent. That is whate made it even more shocking.

                        I just couldn’t fathom where all that violence came from).

z      1982        Dad asked me a question that shook me to the core. And I doubt he realised the impact that this question had on me

                        and how it directly influenced later decisions regarding religion. At the time he was visiting us in Lombadina where we

                        spent 2 years as missionaries. He asked me: “how can you, a Christian, sleep at night, when there is even one sinner

                        left unsaved?”.  This question exposed a fundamental problem I had with the beliefs of the Catholic church and with

                        the beliefs of Christians in general. It has something to do with baptism and belonging to a church. Catholics believe

                        that we must be baptised (into the catholic church) to remove the stain of original sin and without baptism,

                        nobody can get into heaven. Other Christians believe to get to heaven you must be “born again”. That sort of leaves out 99%

                        of the people ever born on this earth who through no fault of their own didn’t happen to get baptised either into the catholic church

                        or born again into a Pentecostal church. I got rather depressed about this question. I felt that my own missionary

                        efforts had been mediocre at best so was I then responsible for sentencing people to hell? I just couldn’t rationalise

                        this giant burning pit that the churches preached about where most people end up, with the image of God as a loving Father.

                        It sort of struck me that if the churches were right, God must be a monster. I put it all in the too hard basked at the

                        time but it continued to eat at me and it was this very question that found an answer when I joined the Mormon church.

                        We too believe you must be baptised to get to the Celestial Kingdom where God the Father dwells. But if you miss

                        the boat on earth, you can still learn in the spirit world and make decisions once you have all the facts! Of course this

                        is a simplistic explanation of a deep truth. Can’t do it justice here.

z      1980        We decide to spend two years as missionaries on an aboriginal mission run by the catholic church in NW Australia.

                        This was our way of “giving back” something to God and Church and the community as a thanks for all the blessings

                        we had received. We made this decision after much prayer. And Dennis and I both had a spiritual experience which

                        led to it. I was driving to the city one day and after the previous spiritual experience (previous link) dedicated myself

                        to Jesus and decided that I wanted to follow Him wherever it would take me. When I made this decision, in fact

                        I said it out loud, my heart was filled with a feeling of joy that is impossible to describe.  As soon as I arrived in the city,

                        I rang Dennis up and he told me, before I opened my mouth, that he had just made a decision to follow Jesus,

                        wherever it would take us and that he was filled with joy when he made this decision. Neither of us had discussed

                        doing this previously. The idea sort of came to us spontaneously. But we had both been attending the events l

                        eading up to it, i.e. the revival meetings at our church and the retreats etc. If we had not done this we would not

                        have ended up in Lombadina, and Dad may never have asked me that question!

z      1980        I had been meditating on who Jesus was as a result of the previous link. And during an Easter service at the church

                        I had the revelation that has become the cornerstone of my belief. In fact it is a revelation that each Christian must

                        have because Jesus said in the bible : upon this revelation (usually translated as rock) I will build my church.

                        I knew from that moment on the divinity of Jesus. Not just in my head but in every fibre of my being.

                        This is what we call a “testimony” of Jesus.

z      1980        I attended a retreat and during it we were asked to meditate on a scripture. It was the scripture where Jesus

                        says to Peter: “who do you, Simon Peter, say that I am?”  We were asked to visualise Jesus standing in

                        front of us and asking us that same question. During my meditation, I had a very strong experience. I really

                        felt Jesus standing there and looking into my heart and asking me: “who do you, Inge, say that I am”. And

                        the awful thing was, I couldn’t answer him. I suddenly realised that even though I knew what was written in the

                        scripture, I didn’t have a personal testimony of Jesus. And it bothered me so much that I became quite depressed.

                        Spent a lot of time praying about this.

z      1980        Some missionaries spent a few weeks at our local parish to “revive” the membership. To renew us spiritually.

                        They also started the retreats. As a result of their visits our spiritual lives were renewed and we spent a lot of

                        Time reading the scriptures and praying.

z      1979        Dennis and I got married. It was on our wedding day that I could say for certain I believed in God and that God

                        was present in and blessed our marriage.

z      1978        I visited the small city church during my lunch hour and sat there and started talking / praying to a God I didn’t

                        really believe in. I simply asked: God, if you exist, please let me know. I want to get to know you. Gradually

                        my prayers were answered and I began to feel a presence.

z      1978        Dennis and I started dating. I was very curious about his faith. In fact it was knowing he was a catholic that led

                        me to want to get to know him. He never talked about it though. One day I simply asked him if he went to church.

                        When he confirmed it I suggested that I pick him up on Sundays and drive him. We have been going to church ever since.

z      1978        I was told by a friend that Dennis was a practicing catholic. This made me very curious. Why could he, an

                        apparently intelligent man, believe in God? The same person who told me also told Dennis that I was on my

                        own with 2 children. Dennis felt immediately moved to get to know me and see if he could help me in some way.

                        We had been work colleagues for a couple of years but didn’t know each other that well.

z      1978        Here I had my dark night of the soul experience. My first adult encounter with death. My grandmother died. And I was

                        devastated because I had never made it back to Germany to see her. She had told me when we were leaving

                        that she didn’t want to say goodbye because she knew then we would never see each other again. The other

                        person who died was the John, the father of my children. Even though we had been separated for a couple of years, I was

                        distraught by his death. I had never stopped loving him. And I had left it too late to try and find him and make contact.

                        I was terribly upset that my sons would now never get to know their father. I was especially sad for Michael because

                        he still remembered him.  Suddenly I hated being an atheist. Life seemed so meaningless if at the end after all the

                        struggling and all the striving and learning we disappear into nothing. What is the point of it all?

z      1977        After increasingly violent outbreaks on his part I left my husband of two years (German husband).

                        this of course made it possible for me to get to know Dennis, hence an important link in this chain!

z      1975        I started working for the same company Dennis worked for. Otherewise we wouldn’t have met1

z      1974        Dennis was relocated to Melbourne by his employer. Otherwise we wouldn’t have met!

z      1968        I investigated Buddhism. When I mentioned it to Dad he told me “why don’t you find out about your own religion

                        first before you look elsewhere”. I didn’t take Buddhism serious after that. Dad was a big influencer in my life.

                        And I was very attracted to Buddhism at the time. Who knows which turns my life would have made had

                        I continued with it.

z      1964        Dad took a job with the MTC which meant we all moved to Melbourne, where I eventually returned to.

z      1961        We migrated from Germany to Australia. Wouldn’t have met Dennis had we stayed in Germany.

z      1950s      Dennis tells his Mum that he will marry a German girl. She mentioned it to me many years later. An important link

                        because he didn’t marry anybody else until I came along and by then he was in his mid 30’s. He told me that

                        he had always known that he would marry a German. And that when we first started going out he knew that

                        we would get married. I was a bit slower to commit. Still licking my wounds.

z      1950        I was born.

z      1944        Dennis was born.